EO contributing editor Adam Chase was invited to an orgasmic meditation meetup. It may not be “outdoors” but we couldn’t resist publishing his report on the event here on Valentine’s Day. And hey, it’s Boulder… it’s all a sport ,right?
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
It all began with a brief e-mail from a spiritually-adventurous friend that read simply, “are you coming?” and included a link to the meet-up group for “Orgasmic Meditation” (known as OM). It was to be held at the Kundalini Yoga Studio in Boulder and, of course, the Beavis in me thought, “huh, huh, huh, did she just say “are you cumming to a meat-up group at a cunnulingus studio?” Snapping back to it, I got more serious and did a little checking in on OM.
Orgasmic Meditation goes by various names, but was started in 2001 as “First Taste” in San Francisco by Nicole Daedone, who has a background in yoga, Kabbalah, Buddhist meditation and semantics. First Taste’s goal is “to create a clean, well-lit place where sexuality, relationship, and intimacy could be discussed openly and honestly.” OMing is also known as the “Slow Sex Movement.”
The meeting was attended by 30 people conveniently split about even by gender and composed of all ages, shapes and sizes. It became apparent early in the meeting that many attendees had already been won over by OM and were there to help share how empowering the practice has been for them. The evening was introduced by a recent convert who then brought up two personable, well-spoken presenters who are years-long experts and practitioners of OM.
The couple, who told us they practice OM one to five times per day, were OM partners but there was an undercurrent there that they—and many other—OM practitioners are not necessarily exclusive. After a brief talk about how they came to the practice, the couple asked everyone in the audience to introduce themselves and briefly tell why they were attending.
We heard some doozies: “I have trouble cuming with my partner and thought this would help.” “I can reach climax with my boyfriend but have never been good at giving myself an orgasm.” “I was at my end, engaging in 12-step programs, wanting to kill myself, but OM saved me. I’m so happy to be alive now!” “I was OM-curious, practice yoga regularly, am a very sexual person, and liked the idea of bringing a level of mindfulness to sex.” “I started OM a couple months ago and just keep coming (and cumming). It has really allowed me to get in touch with my orgasm.” I attended the meeting on my way to a formal party and was dressed in a bow tie, which I figured was a good sign of manual dexterity, and answered, “I have a lot of friends who are curious and they nominated me to go to this meet up and report back. I’m a reporter.”
When we returned to the instructors they told us the mechanics of how OMers meet up through various social networks they call the “OM Hub,” which my friend renamed the “OM Nub,” and typically arrange a meeting to see about their comfort level of having an OM session. The instructors said the number of creeps is very small because they tend to be filtered out rather quickly. If the couple decides to meet, it is for a 15-minute session. No longer, no shorter. OMing is not supposed to be mixed with intercourse. “It is about forming a safe space for women to experience the full, giant, hydrated joy of orgasm,” gushed the fully-tatted and absolutely radiant female instructor, as she sat open legged on her folding chair, gesticulating in what left little to the imagination. She added, “I’m just wet thinking about it!” Note, however, she got bonus points because she never used the word “moist.”
OM sessions are held in private places where the couple sets up a “nest” with pillows, dribble rag (for her, thank you), lubricant and latex gloves. The woman takes off her pants or skirt and underwear and lies on her back and spreads her legs, placing her left foot against the man’s right foot and putting her right leg straight, over his lap. The man remains fully clothed, plus latex gloves, and sits on a pillow with his left leg bent over her torso so that he may place his left elbow on his knee and have easy access with his left hand to her clitoris. His right hand comes under her right leg and is placed at the base of her vagina, where his penis would enter if they were having intercourse. But there’s none of that so don’t think about it. This is meditation. Must. Stay. Focused.
The man, called a “Stroker” in OM, is only there to “connect physically and spiritually with the power of the female orgasm” and, basically, nothing more. He uses the left hand because, according the “cartography of the clitoris,” the upper left quadrant is the most sensitive. Both partners focus their meditative attention on the point of contact, trying not to let the mind drift from the stoking, fully feeling the immediate sensations. Hitting just the spot while just hitting the spot.
OM is about helping women feel comfortable about their orgasmic energy and to achieve the eight stages of orgasm. What we would normally call climax is only one of those stages and if that occurs at minute two, the couple still continues for all 15, “because they can move on to experience resolution and restoration stages of orgasm.” After an OM session the partners typically talk about their experience, although some verbal communication during the practice is considered acceptable too.
But OM is not to be considered foreplay and it is recommended that sessions are held in a room other than where a couple would have intercourse because Slow Sex is about “desire over obligation” and tries to distance itself from typical views of goal-oriented, male-focused sex. As such, neither partner is supposed to engage in fantasy during OM.
The little brochure we received at the meeting describes OM as “a meditation, equally powerful for both partners—only the object of focus is the clitoris. OM is a source of power—a well from which to draw energy. It’s profound yet simple and you can have it whether you are single or coupled.” It is said to bring a higher level of consciousness to the female orgasm just like meditation does for mindfulness and yoga does for the body.
That last part left a lot of the audience with questions. This was, of course, just an initial “What is OM?” informational session and attendees were gently encouraged to come to the all-day workshop (for $149 if you signed up that night). While OMing is normally just with a couple, the workshop includes instruction and it was vaguely suggested that the instructors would be there in a hands-on or clitoris-on capacity. Or you can hire a personal OM trainer, if you’d prefer. But this was not a hard sell, fortunately. All the OM practitioners who attended were true believers and just wanted to share what had changed their lives.
I suppose “OM” can also stand for Open Mindedness and I honestly went there with a neutral attitude and merely absorbed the information, taking offense only to the disclosure of a local OM practitioner’s full identity, the fact that there was a very heavy heterosexual slant and that my question about OM among lesbians was practically waved off, and the incorrect use of the word, “ubiquitous” in answering a question about whether some women had more sensitive right lower clitoral sensitivity. (Sorry, I’m a grammarian and clits are hardly ubiquitous or more men would be better able to find them.)
I let the meeting stew a bit before I started to revisit what I had heard and the lasting impressions I had from the meeting. While I don’t have a problem with idea of the Slow Sex Movement, I was bothered that it was being promoted as a therapy of sorts and that the audience was seeded by devotees who practically creamed themselves when they raved about it and how it had totally changed their lives. I wondered what they had going for them before they found OM and why they were so susceptible to its allure. But what really stuck in my craw was that OM removed orgasm from love. OMing, especially between two relative strangers, may well bring the physical and spiritual to a new level but it is hardly emotional. And, I’m sorry, but an orgasm just seems the highest celebration of love and OM degrades that.
For more information, go to www.onetaste.us. —Adam Chase